I’ve been wanting to start my own bakery for a long time, but my own fears get in the way. I make excuses for myself saying that I don’t have enough capital to start something or that I want to finish college first. I have excuse after excuse, but the honest-to-God truth is that I’m scared. I’m scared of rejection, of failure, of disappointing people, of everything.
But I think this fear was learned – not something innate. I look back at myself and I can pinpoint the moments I knew I was going to make something of myself with my boldness and my entrepreneurship. I can also pinpoint the moments that knocked me down, and made me afraid to get back up.
My hope is that I would learn to be confident again as I reminisce on these moments. I want to reemerge with the boldness I want born with and undermine the apprehension that I learned to have.
Kindergarten:
I had these rich cousins that had all the toys and coloring books a girl could want. Not only that, but their parents would buy m&m’s by the box and give each of us a pack after dinner. I unfortunately didn’t have much and went over to their house frequently. We were all in the same age group, and these girls didn’t want to share their things.
Thus came my scheming. I would tell her parents I would pass out the m&m’s and get 3 packs for us. Then I would go to the girls and hold the m&m’s hostage. I would trade their toys to GIVE to me – not to share with me. Sometimes it was the opposite way – I would steal their toys and hold them hostage until they gave me their share of the m&m’s.
This doesn’t sound like much, but our parents would watch and tell me I’m a natural businesswoman. I had nothing of my own and would use all of their things to trade and get myself what I wanted.
Elementary:
I learned how to fold origami stars in the fourth grade from my older sister. I folded them in every color and even with sparkly origami paper. I made it a fad in school and told everyone that the more stars you have, the cooler you are. This was before the time of learning everything from YouTube, so no one else knew how to make them. So how do you get these stars and become “cool”? You had to buy them from me.
I started selling 10 stars for a dollar. My mom tells me how I used to come home and fold stars every single day. And when she got mad and told me to do homework, I would tell her I got multiple orders and need to fulfill them if I don’t want to become a conwoman.
Middle School:
Every year, my middle school would give us boxes of chocolates to sell for fundraising. I received my box and did not want to carry it home. So I decided to sell it all before the end of the school day. I went to some students and convinced them that milk chocolate sells the best, and that they would be able to sell better if they had more milk chocolate. And then I sold all my milk chocolates to them.
I went to a different group of kids and told them that caramel chocolate sells the best and that they should sell mine. I did this for all the chocolates, finished selling my box, and went home.
I did similar things in high school too, but they were not my finest moments and I hesitate to retell them. But to be a businesswoman means to have the audacity to sell. It means to have the power to bestow worth upon something and create a need for it.
All throughout my childhood, I was assertive enough to deem anything as desirable. As my mom would say, I had the ability to sell refrigerators in Antarctica.
I lost that ability though in my adulthood. I became afraid to sell. I put myself out there a few years ago by uploading my baking journey on social media, and sending followers my baked goods for free. I had a group of people who were friends with each other follow me all at once and I sent all of them a bunch of cookies and other desserts. As soon as they received their things, they all unfollowed me.
By happenstance I found a thread where those same people all made fun of my baking and my page. I still remember exactly how I felt reading through all of it. I tried to move on and announced on my social media that I was giving away my newly developed goodies again. Then everyone in that hateful group re-followed me and asked me for free things!
There were more times similar to that, and I have become shy about my baking. These times have made me hesitant to put myself out there again. If people weren’t even happy when I gave things away for free, in what world would they want to pay for them?
I know I am a fantastic baker – I use great ingredients, I know exactly what I’m doing, and my baked goods are delicious. But I think that baking defines so much of who I am that I am apprehensive about putting a price to the things I make and finding out that people don’t think it’s worth paying for.
I think the key is to fully acknowledge and cherish myself, and therefore know that what I think is valuable IS truly valuable. When I was a confident little kid, those toys, paper stars, and chocolates were what I saw as desirable. If I want to be a confident adult, I need to see what I bake as desirable. And if I want my baked goods to be desirable, I need to be a confident adult. Those two things go hand in hand. Maybe growing up made me timid, but the world keeps moving and I should move on from my hurts too.
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